When we hear that somebody is shy, we sometimes think it's cute, like a little boy who's afraid to say hello to strangers. Shyness, however, can be a debilitating disorder and anything but funny. All of us are shy to a certain extent, but when it starts interfering with your personal or professional life, it gets serious.

So, what exactly is shyness? Well, there are several components, and all of them deal with how we think.

Most severely shy people are extremely self-conscious, especially when in public and around others. They may feel judged or ridiculed, or that everyone in the room notices their big nose or some other imperfection. All eyes are on them, and that's not good.

They focus on their imperfections, and always view themselves negatively. They believe that everything they do in the presence of others is wrong.

Shyness usually goes hand in hand with a weak self image. This is usually formed as a child. The child might feel inferior to others or intimidated, and start to believe that he is somehow not good enough. This lack of self-esteem can set the tone for the rest of his life.

The shy person is almost always pre-occupied with herself, especially when she's around other people. She's extremely sensitive to what she's doing, and feels like she's always on center stage. She starts to question everything she does, and she feels as though she can do nothing right.

Also, simply labeling yourself as "shy" can cause you to behave this way. You feel like you have to live up to that expectation.

So, if you know you're shy, then how do you beat it? Are you doomed to just be that way forever? Fortunately, no.

The most important step in beating your shyness is to understand it. Questions you should ask yourself are: What happened or what was I doing that triggered this feeling? What is your chief concern at this time? Does this feeling happen every time this event occurs, or are there times when it doesn't occur?

Another important step is to turn your self-consciousness into self awareness. Realize that most people are too busy focusing on themselves to focus on you. Don't believe me? Ask someone a question about themselves, and see how long you can keep them talking. Ask about their kids, pets, spouse, car, job, or whatever.

You can keep people talking for hours this way, and when the conversation's over, they'll walk away thinking what a great conversationalist you are! Trust me, most people are concerned with themselves way more than you.

Finally, you can focus on your strengths. I can almost hear you saying, "What strengths?" Trust me, you have them, and you need to start focusing on them a lot to counterbalance all that negative self-talk you've got going on.

Also, if you feel your shyness has gotten seriously out of control (you're afraid to leave the house), you may need to seek professional help, as you might have a chemical imbalance or another disorder you're unaware of.

Gregory McGuire is a successful network marketer and hypnotherapist living in Smyrna, Tennessee.

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