Do you feel nervous when you have to talk to someone new?  People who easily make a lot of new friends have mastered the fine art of conversing with those they have just met.  You can learn this fine art as well.

 

Many people think that when they meet someone new, they have to say something really interesting and brilliant, right from the beginning.  Even before they know the other person very well.  They think they have to really put up a great performance to impress the other person.

 

They don’t just let themselves just be ordinary, and talk about fairly ordinary things. 

 

If you tend to get shy and tongue tied when you have just met someone new, here are some conversation tips to help you start turning new people you meet into friends.

 

Here’s a very important lesson to learn about making conversation with people:  when you have the belief that you have to perform perfectly in all your conversations, you will actually make your performance worse! 

 

You will become too nervous and awkward, and too focused on your own performance.  You won’t be focused on getting to know the new person you’ve just met.

 

New people that you meet are not looking for brilliant conversation.  What they are looking for is someone who will be comfortable to be with, and fun to talk to.  But most of all they are looking for someone who seems interested in them!

 

For conversational success, it’s more important to be a good listener than to be a great talker.

 

Don’t hold back and let other people make all the first moves.  If you have been holding back, waiting for other people to do all the work in the relationship, you are shirking your responsibility in making the relationship move forward.

 

People who are socially confident and successful, introduce themselves to their conversation partners very early in the course of conversation. 

 

People who are shy or socially awkward tend to introduce themselves much later, or not at all.  Shy people often wait until someone asks for their name, but they rarely volunteer to give it, and they rarely ask the other person what their name is. 

 

So, take the initiative, and introduce yourself to the other person early.  Keep in mind that most people like to shake hands when they first meet someone new.

 

When you are just starting out talking to a new person, you can use your immediate surroundings or the weather as a basis for a few starting remarks. But if you stay at this level of discussing impersonal facts about your surroundings, you will never have a chance to get to know each other better.

 

If you think you want to know the other person better, move on quickly to a slightly more personal level of discussion.  Ask a few basic questions and offer a little bit of information about yourself, your likes or dislikes, or your opinion on some neutral topic.  Notice whether the other person lights up with interest about any topics you mention. 

 

This can give you new interesting areas for both of you to discuss.

 

Make a decision to relax and enjoy your social encounters.

 

Don’t decide that you’re a social failure if every conversation doesn’t turn into a great friendship.  After all, the truth is that the majority of conversations between new people don’t really go anywhere.  That’s all right.  It takes time and effort to turn casual strangers into friends.

 

And if you're shy, and inexperienced at making conversation, it takes practice to become more comfortable talking with others, lots of practice!

   

The important thing is simply to develop the habit of starting simple little conversations with lots more people.  Look for the interests you have in common.

 

Show interest in being with other people.  Smile.  Listen.  Look at the person you’re talking with.

 

Whenever you start talking to new people, don’t strive for great dialogue, or the perfect opening lines.  Just get started, and keep on talking.  Practice making conversations with a lot of new people.  You will eventually get better at it.

 

Remember, that all of the friends you already have were strangers to you at one point in your life.  Until you started talking and found out what you have in common.

  

This article is written by friendship expert Royane Real.  To learn more about how to use conversation to make new friends, get her new short report titled “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”. Download it today at http://www.royanereal.com