So, you have found the person you think is your soulmate but contrary to your childhood beliefs they don’t act like a knight in shining armor or beautiful princess every second of the day. Further, the relationship isn’t a pool of calm, smooth water all the time either. Does this mean he or she isn’t the one? Should you go out and find someone who is perfect all the time? Before you go out and re-create the exact same relationship with someone new, only to find they aren’t perfect either, first accept one thing. The fairytale we were fed growing up can come true, but it takes work.

Happily ever after doesn’t just happen, and expecting that it will causes the confusion that often sets in when we find the person we believe is ‘the one’.  We think “If they are the one, they should know that would upset me. They should know what I need and want.” Our soulmates are only human, just like us. Although a soulmate relationship usually comes with a higher than average ability to read each other’s mind and tune in to each other’s needs and moods, we need to accept these things as wonderful bonus gifts not rely on them to keep the relationship flowing forward harmoniously. We need to regularly communicate with each other, expressing our feelings, thoughts and desires openly and honestly if we want the relationship to flourish. 

With the demands of family, work and busy lifestyles we can go for days, weeks, or even months without properly connecting with our partners. Often this leads to a breakdown of communication including misunderstandings, assumptions, feelings of being taken for granted, and generally wondering if we are still living in the same book let alone on the same page. Keeping a Communication Journal is a fun way to help you create the kind of relationship where you are on the same page more often than not.

A Communication Journal can take your relationship to a deeper and more intimate level of love and understanding. It is for maintaining and ever-strengthening the connection you have with your partner. By creating space and a regular time to each express what you are thinking, needing, wanting, enjoying (or not enjoying) and appreciating about each other and about the relationship, you start to develop a constantly ‘on’ link of energy and communication flow.

 

How to Keep a Communication Journal:

1) Discuss the idea with your partner, and be clear on why you would like to start one. The stronger the intention, the more effective and long-lasting this process is likely to be.

2) One journal is used between you, taking it in turns to write what you feel. Buy a journal that feels special to you.

3) Write down five points at a time, keeping them limited to a page or two. Otherwise you will end up writing twenty pages of chatter which would be better off being discussed. The Communication Journal should be used to trigger conversations that need to happen, not replace talking!

        Suggestions for your five points: Include what you are feeling at that moment about your partner or about the relationship, what you appreciate, what you love, what you need or want more of, what's just great as it is. Include those things that might be a little harder (or easier as the case may be) to write. For example, has something started to annoy or frustrate you? Was there something he/she did last week that really made you feel hurt/confused/angry? Express how this is making you feel in a kind, non-blaming way.

Conversely, was there something your partner did last week that you absolutely loved? Sometimes we are clueless about the positive ways in which we affect our partner, and it’s nice to hear about them! You can also write a question as one of the points asking your partner: What does an ideal relationship look like to you? What would you like from an ideal partner? Where do you see us in 5 years? 50 years? What are your greatest hopes and dreams for yourself?

4) Decide on a ‘swap’ time that you feel would realistically suit you, eg every Sunday which means you each get to spend a week pondering on what to write in the journal.

5) Make an agreement that whatever you write or read is from a spirit of positive, loving intention, using it in a constructive way to make your relationship the best it can be.

 

You will soon start to see the immense value and benefits of keeping a Communication Journal. Issues that are usually kept suppressed for fear of what the other person might think are more easily and clearly expressed when you get a pen and a blank page in front of you. Instead of being confronted by a flurry of angry words that have been buried for months or years, or a sulky mood that's appeared for some mysterious reason, your partner can literally read your thoughts (finally!) and take time to digest and respond to them. Likewise, you will both find great joy in discovering the little things your partner notices and appreciates about you.

This kind of journal can be particularly beneficial if you or your partner spend considerable amounts of time apart due to work or other unavoidable commitments or situations. 

Use your Communication Journal as an extension of your communication with each other, not as an excuse for not communicating in other ways. Points written down should trigger more regular or more effective conversation, deeper physical, mental and emotional intimacy, and a feeling that your union is steadily becoming stronger as it is increasingly being built on a foundation of truth and reality, rather than any assumptions or denial.

A Communication Journal will likely trigger many hours of discussion. Make a pact that discussing issues is a healthy thing even if you sometimes don’t agree with each other. Don’t get side-tracked by trying to prove yourself right and your partner wrong, or arguing that your point is the more valid. Respect the fact that each of you have a right to your individual perspectives and feelings even if the other may not understand them. Realize that this process won’t always be easy, and it will sometimes be quite challenging and confronting.  Persevere. The depth of love, connection and understanding that you will start to see unfold will be well worth the journey.

 

Dana Mrkich © 2007