Most commonly we think of Love as being "in love" with another person or being loved by another person. Unfortunately, I am no expert on the dynamics or mysteries of finding or keeping "Soul Mates".

Being in love can "make your heart sing"
Losing love or being unloved can make you feel like your soul has had all the lights turned off.

Love is so profound, so complex and so illusive and yet it is the most basic and natural part of our humanness.

As important as loving and being loved is, I want you to consider a much more important aspect of love today; that is, Self Love.

Without self-love we are without purpose and are lacking authenticity.
Without self-love we are simply not real. At the very core of our existence is the hunger to know ourselves, to be connected with ourselves, to feel valued, secure and important. We all struggle to know and understand ourselves, but rarely do we dare to love ourselves or even to consider the possibility.

And yet there is that longing. Deep within our heart of hearts is the knowledge of the possibility that we could.

Imagine your potential if you could meet with your true self and find that you did indeed truly love who you are?

Let's first get rid of the idea that I am talking about ego, vanity, boasting or arrogance. Self-love has nothing to do with these characteristics. These are masks we wear, to hide the fact that we are insecure. Self-love does not involve insecurity or vanity.

How on earth did we all get so stuffed up that we actually believe we are something less than perfect?

We have all learned to wear masks. We have had to; sometimes it's a matter of self-preservation, mostly its just social conditioning. It's funny really, to consider we are all searching for our soul mate from behind our masks.

How will they know us? How will we know them? if we are hiding. Usually we don't even acknowledge our own falseness and yet we expect others to be authentic and to see us as authentic.

If you are seriously looking to bring loving relationships into your life, then you must first stop and consider who and what you truly are.

Like attracts like
You can only attract someone similar to yourself. Many people write a list of their "ideal lover". Things like tall, handsome, successful, healthy, good with kinds, funny and interesting. Light a candle, make a wish or say a prayer. It's not going to happen and if it does then it won't last unless you are compatible with this list.

If you feel insecure, tired, frustrated, unattractive and bored, then you know and I'll tell you anyway, just in case you don't know. You will attract the person who is similar to your real self not your phoney self.

You may meet Mr Wonderful, but I assure you he will be Mr. Phoney Wonderful. I suspect you have already met him, you have probably met him many times and you will continue to meet him. Why? Because, you are Ms. Phoney Wonderful. (Sorry about the bluntness I'm just getting it out of the way so we can get onto the real issues).

First you must define what you need from Mr Wonderful. Not his attributes, I'm talking about what you think he is going to bring into your existence? Is he bringing you affection, admiration, sex, motivation, self- esteem, approval, happiness, and entertainment? Is he going to make you feel worthy, special and happy?

Now ask yourself why you are lacking these things in your life? and how you can get some, if not all of them by yourself? What's preventing you from giving yourself all of the above? Don't you think it will be more difficult to inspire a stranger to bring these things into your life than it would be for you to bring them in yourself? Would it be impossible to attain these things without Mr Wonderful's help?

Many women have found that Mr Wonderful simply bought an appetite for food and dirty socks, so be careful when you define what it is that you expect.

Here is your first clue to finding your soul mate.
Be who and what you are looking for. Again, you can only attract what you magnetize. To be a magnet you must be compatible.

Mr. handsome, rich, talented witty, considerate, kind and loyal, is not looking for Ms bored, critical, unhappy and destitute.

Sure, I know you look around and it appears that everyone but you has someone special and you desperately want that in your life. But look closely, most of those people are somewhere between meeting a replica and leaving a replica. What does the divorce rate tell you? It says all those people believed they had found a soul mate and all those people discovered they did not.

The mask has to come off and when it does it's devastating. We blame ourselves, we blame our lovers, but no one's to blame at all. We were simply caught up in the illusion of who we thought we were and who we thought they were. The cycle will repeat and hearts will continue to be broken.

That longing and that knowing, that love is available to you, it is not out there in the shape of anyone else, that longing is your own voice calling for you to step up and love yourself.
If you really want to love and be loved you must first meet with your authentic self. You will need to peel away the layers of protection and conditioning, let go of self doubt, drop the pretend you, and start feeding your soul, by being your authentic self.

I don't know how or why we have been so minimized or why we have become so disconnected from ourselves, but the time has come to simply re-claim ourselves and put ourselves back together.

Are you brave enough to give yourself a voice? Would you stand up for yourself and eliminate criticism and disrespect from people (including yourself?)
Would you be willing to try new things and allow yourself to fail, but still keep on until you achieved it?
Is it possible that you might make your home beautiful, comfortable and enjoyable for yourself?
Spend time alone and entertain, enjoy, create and relax with yourself.
What would happen if you got to know your body and felt fascinated and attracted to it? Perhaps you could marvel at its perfection and magnificence, feed it well, give it pleasure, move it and challenge it.
What if you dumped all those energy vampires you call friends, those people who bring you down and suffocate you?
If you were really tired and stressed, would it be a possibility that you could go to a spa, have a massage, stop working and go out to play?
What are the chances youmight change jobs, move to another town, take up acting or dancing, buy some great music or clothes?
Can you start telling jokes, bring positive, up lifting conversations to your table, inspire or motivate people? What about yourself?
Can you dismiss, walk away, or insist that people stop bringing you down with their gossip, sarcasm, negativity and doom and gloom?
Can you and will you, stop beating your self up and hurting yourself?
What if you took all those painful memories and decided they are not little movies to re-run over and over, would you or could you decide to turn them off the second they came up?
What if you started making thoughtful and special meals for yourself?
What would happen if you decided to treat yourself the way you would want a lover to treat you.
Isn't it possible to be in love with yourself?