Withdrawal, clinging, lying, denial of feelings, blaming, lashing out, criticizing, manipulation, hiding, control, power games, deception of self and towards another: these are all forbidden fruit.

Analogous to nature, trees, like people, are who they naturally are. You cannot change another person any more than you can change an apple tree to a pear tree.

You would be insane to think that you can.

The insanity in many of our relationships arises from our refusal to ACCEPT a person as they are, now.

You may have a pear tree that you love. Sometimes this tree gives you a pear with a bruise. This is akin to a person who has a bad day. It is part of life. It is part of nature. It comes with the territory, and it is not only to be accepted, it is to be understood.

Just as you have the excitement of seeing your tree bear its first fruit, as the seasons pass, you understand that not every pear is going to be perfect. Likewise, the passion and romance in the early stages of a relationship grow into a deep care and compassion towards the other person. They have moments or a day where they are not perfect.

As you grow and nurture both yourself, and the tree you love, you may see symptoms of dis-ease. The pear is not merely bruised; its fruit is showing visible signs on a continuous basis that is clearly unhealthy, and sabotaging.

Would you eat the diseased fruit of this unhealthy tree? To do so would again be insanity.

If you are a person who is exhibiting symptoms that are not healthy and balanced, would you expect someone to remain in your company if you were not taking personal responsibility to become as healthy as you can be?

It is akin to a pear tree giving rotten fruit and expecting its fruit to be eaten.

Perhaps during the tree?s (or person?s) formative years, they took on a deep-rooted dis-ease that was well hidden beneath the surface. It lies dormant in the unconscious. An outer stimulus triggers the disease, which is exhibited in symptoms when they give you toxic, unhealthy, forbidden fruit.

You may look at this tree you love, and feel deep sadness at the symptoms of something so deep rooted, that you cannot get it out on your own, any more than you can cry over a tree and expect your tears to heal it.

Sometimes, a tree, like a person, can work through a particular aspect of their nature in order to become healthier on their own. Other times, self-help is not working. The tree may need a tree doctor to uproot the cause of the symptoms where an outer stimulus has triggered its unhealthy or unbalanced symptoms.

Likewise, a person may need a doctor to uproot the cause buried in the unconscious, so they can exhibit behaviors that are healthier, and more balanced.

You may experience repeated pain in a specific area of your life. If you have not been able to work it through completely on your own, then it is perfectly okay to get the help you need to uproot what may be so hidden to you: i.e.: in your unconscious.

How can you heal something of which you have no conscious awareness? You cannot.

To go on living in pain, when instead, you can be free of it, is as insane as a person who has a pear tree with diseased fruit, and neglects the tree. A wise person would seek the appropriate tree doctor to uproot the cause of the pain, so this beautiful tree can bring healthy, vibrant fruit.

Nature has balance. Sunshine and shade. People need healthy balance in their relationships in order to thrive.

A person, who clings to another out of an unconscious, deep-rooted fear of feeling incomplete without this person by their side, is unhealthy. They need to uproot the unconscious fears in therapy, so they can feel whole, vibrant, and thrive with a healthy measure of solitude.

Likewise, a person who continually avoids healthy doses of genuine intimacy out of an unconscious, deep-rooted fear of being smothered, also needs to be able to experience a healthy measure of intimacy. This is balance.

Every tree needs some shade, and some sunlight. Every person needs healthy doses of safe, comfortable intimacy, as well as personal solitude.

When we lie to ourselves, mask our pain, make excuses for our behaviors, Band-Aid or avoid personal growth, and do not do anything to become the best we can be, we are poisoning ourselves with our own forbidden fruit.

We are then left alone, in pain.

When we face our pain, and seek the appropriate treatment that will finally uproot it from our lives, we feel free and at peace. We become authentic. We thrive.

Compassion, understanding, acceptance and deep care both for ourselves, and towards the one?s we love most must surpass, and rise above any ego power trip.

It is only with love of self that will liberate us from the ?need? to have another person be any way other than who they naturally are.

It is only with compassion, understanding, acceptance and patience that we can see our way through difficult times with those dearest to us. The only key is that they have to be dear to their own selves as well.

We each have to want to be the best, and the healthiest we can be.

We may need some help to get there, however, with this nurturing, we will all grow to bear the most beautiful fruit.