I remember watching an interview on TV once and a guy was asked when he knew his marriage was in trouble. He answered that he was making love to his wife and caught up in a great moment of passion when he heard his wife whisper ?Darling, the ceiling needs painting?.
 
I guess men think about other things during sex; men may become bored with sex but even then I don?t think men ever become as indifferent or as detached as many women appear to do.
 
Men seem to value sex more than women do: actually, there appear to be a lot of differences between the genders when it comes to attitudes about sex.
 
Men pursue sex and women pursue love and romance. Men will often use love to get sex and many women will use sex to get love. It usually works out pretty well in the end, as most people realize that they want and need both.
 
We seem to spend the first half of our lives learning things and then the second half trying to unlearn things. It really does take a keen sense of observation and a lot of self-analysis to unravel belief systems to find our own truths. It also takes a lot of courage and determination to go against standard beliefs and live your life according to your own wisdom; there are so many areas of our lives in which we are wearing masks and being phoney. We know on a logical level that things don?t make sense but we are so afraid of ?Not being Normal? that we would rather live with lies and suppress our true nature than appear to be different. Somehow, lies and stupidity become acceptable and things that are natural and healthy become unacceptable, trivialised, embarrassing or taboo.
 
Intellectually we may all agree that this is particularly so in relation to sex and body image. Men are generally more comfortable with their desires, performance and bodily functions whereas women appear to be continually struggling with two entirely opposite worlds when it comes to sex. The sexual revolution of the sixties presented us with new freedoms and greater education allowing us to fully embrace the idea that it was o.k. to enjoy sex. We readily accepted that sex was normal and healthy; we were open to experimentation and even got to the point of pursuing sex, enjoying sex and making sexual demands.
 
We do underestimate the power of conditioning and just how deeply our belief systems are instilled. On one level, we embraced sexual freedom, but we were somehow unable to completely let go of our previous Victorian attitudes. Even today we operate on levels of guilt, shame, self-consciousness and sexual suppression. We still carry within us our ?Good girls don?t? and ?Bad girls do? attitudes. We still think in terms of being used, giving in, playing hard to get, letting him have his way and of course, the ever popular question, ?Will he respect me in the morning??
 
We may have a very good understanding of anatomy and know the proper names of our private bits, as well as a good basic knowledge on how it all works. We accept our animal instincts and primal desires and behaviours. But, then again on a deeper level, there is this distorted and illogical belief that we should smell like perfume and our genitals should look like orchids. We worry that we may have too much hair; we are too fat, too flabby or too old. We are self-conscious about our sexuality and shy about expressing our needs.
 
It really wasn?t all that long ago that it was assumed that women didn?t enjoy sex and they only did it because it was their duty if they were married. They had to be married, as that was socially and financially imperative. The sexual revolution of the sixties and seventies turned all of this around. Sex had been a taboo subject up until this point, but with the availability and acceptance of the contraceptive pill woman discovered a freedom like never before. Women began to explore their own sexuality; magazines came with sealed sections and within those pages articles about clitoris?s, g-spots, erogenous zones and masturbation. Woman began looking at pictures of naked men as well as close-up shots of female genitals. The concepts of multiple sex partners, orgies, pornography and homosexuality emerged.
 
The world had changed and life was never going to be the same again. Fear of pregnancy was probably the main reason women avoided sex, but all that changed with the pill. From all of this, came very significant changes for women right across the board. Women demanded, and ultimately received equal opportunities in most aspects of their lives.
 
These days, we all have a fair understanding of how our body?s work and we have the freedom to explore our sexuality. Woman can be as sexually liberated and at ease with themselves as the men are. So why aren?t we?
 
Why are women so hung up about their bodies: self-conscious, ashamed, critical, ignorant and insecure.
Why are we still thinking that men are using us or that we are giving up something.
Could it be that we still think nice girls don?t and that ?Doing it? will lose us his respect.
Are our genitals really ?Yucky? and do we ever really look at them.
Is sex power and are we still bartering.
Why do we still believe we are unattractive if we are not perfect and why do we believe that only perfect bodies deserve sex.
Will we ?Die from embarrassment? if caught masturbating ? Do we masturbate?
 
Now, I?m not suggesting that women should be screwing around all over the place, and treating sex like sport, or trivialising it in any way. I?m not suggesting that men have all the answers either; they certainly need to address a few issues themselves. But, I am suggesting that men are generally much more comfortable with their sexuality and their bodies than we are.
 
Men establish a very healthy relationship with their penises very early in life. Perhaps it is because their equipment is external and easily accessible. Most men consider their penises to be their favourite body part: some even go so far as to give it a name, most probably talk to it like it is a good mate and certainly most men treat it with the utmost respect and consideration. From a very young age boys realize that touching it feels good and most will touch it often throughout the day.
 
Men are also sexually aroused very easily and will experience ?a little flutter? by something as simple as seeing an attractive woman. Men usually wake up each morning with ?a hard-on? and will automatically give it at least a little fond stoking before they start their day.
 
Women on the other hand have everything hidden away and very private. Women rarely look at themselves ?down there? and it is quite common for a partner or Gynaecologist to know more about the look of her ?privates? than the woman herself. Women are also more likely to need emotional, psychological or physical stimulation before becoming aroused.
 
Parents also tend to educate their children quite differently when it comes to sex. Boys get more of a ?How to do it? talk whereas the women are constantly reminded and warned about the perils of unwanted pregnancy. Fair enough, as it is usually the female who gets left holding the baby. Females are also warned about men only wanting one thing and the risks of gaining a bad reputation. Religious beliefs may also come into consideration and the very strong suggestion that sex outside of marriage is sinful. Promiscuous girls get labelled as sluts and no decent men would ever want them. Promiscuous males are labelled as studs and in some cases become more admired. 

Next:  Female Sexuality - a womans view of seduction Part II