A Message to Men

Women do not wish to compete with you; we know you can finish first, rushing us makes us anxious and anxiety destroys passion. Women can still perform after orgasm and in some cases continue into a second orgasm. Men lose their erection after they climax and can no longer perform, therefore it is ?Good Manners? to allow the lady to go first.
 
Women take longer to arouse and it might be worth thinking of it like this - Horniness makes its way from a man?s balls to the tip of his penis, whereas a woman?s horniness starts in her heart and has much further to travel to get to her clitoris. If you wish to arrive at an orgasm around the same time, then you will need to let the lady have a head start (no pun intended).
 
Women will very rarely respond to hard, fast, rushed foreplay. Think of them as very shy, timid creatures that get spooked very easily. Foreplay should be slow, gentle and relaxed. This allows a woman to trust, tune-in and respond. Without this you are leaving her in a self ?protection or defence position.
 
Women receive sex. In effect you are requesting that someone take you into the very centre of themselves. There is a certain vulnerability involved in doing this and a considerate lover will appreciate that ?Tossing himself in? is very insensitive.
 
It may also be worth noting that a man gives and the woman receives in orgasm. Most men will experience exhaustion and most women will feel energized after sex. As many women feel used or dismissed when a man turns away and falls into a deep sleep, it might be worth understanding he is not ignoring you at all. It is true; he may not want to talk and may not want to snuggle up. Don?t take it personally.
 
Women will be very accommodating to many sexual variations, if and when, she has established a loving and trusting foundation to build upon. Without this being in place first, the ?Wham- bam- thank- you- maa?m?, or the ?Gymnastic Wonder Boy?, may have a very short life span as a long-term sexual partner. There is absolutely nothing wrong with lazy, selfish, perfunctory sex and sometimes a quickie is all anyone is interested in. There are times when experimental, playful and dirty sex is also enjoyable. Variety really is a good thing and all of this can work well within a relationship. The problem is, that too often and for too long we respond to sex with indifference, and over time we become disconnected from our lovers. When that disconnection goes unaddressed, then the relationship breaks down and self-preservation steps in. When a woman feels she is being serviced or is servicing a man, she will close down her heart and in doing so, she shuts off her sexuality.
 
The most important Erogenous Zone.
 
 Foreplay actually starts in the mind, and in many ways the mind is more important than touch or technique. To begin with, it is the mind that decides whether you are even worthy of being a lover. The mind assesses your attractiveness and has the first and final say in your being selected as a mate. As trust is such a vital ingredient, you may consider the mind your judge and jury. The most important role of the mind is to focus attention, as good sex is impossible if the mind is not present. Tuning into your lover is where empathy becomes established. Empathy is the ability to feel and sense your lover?s responses, and ultimately to connect physically, emotionally and spiritually with your lover. When this degree of connection is established, sex stops being interpreted as two bodies and instead becomes one body or at least one energy form. When sex includes love, empathy, connection and trust, we will experience ecstasy as well as orgasm. When two people achieve this, they will know what is meant by ?Sacred ritual?.
 
Some people may have innately known that this was available while others may have almost touched it or glimpsed it. Somewhere within our inner wisdom we do know that sexual energy is similar to, or the same as, spiritual energy. Orgasm is probably as close as we get to experiencing ourselves as greater than mind, emotion and body. For just a second or two during orgasm, we feel that we have disappeared into the Universe and become ?Blissed Out?.
 
This state of ecstacy is all about energy. Call it sexual energy or spiritual energy, it doesn?t matter. We all have the ability to get there, and deep within us we long to get there. Many people have taken themselves all the way, but quite often fear steps in and most people will hold back and lose the moment. Ecstasy is often experienced spontaneously when people are very deeply in love. When people are really in love, they intuitively long to enter each other, they tend to breathe in their lover and open their hearts in a desperate attempt to draw the very essence of their lover into themselves. This degree of love knows no fear and holds no barriers, so you might consider the soul of each one actively seeking to merge into each other. When sex is an expression of love, and love is exchanged at this level, that merging does take place and the ecstasy of spirituality is achieved.
 
For thousands of years many cultures have practised Tantra. In recent years the Western World has become fascinated with this practise. Although Tantra is more commonly thought of as a spiritual discipline, practised by enlightened Eastern Masters, many of its components are being modified and practised to bring about sexual fulfilment, or more precisely, sexual and spiritual ecstasy. Tantra means, to open, expand, manifest, weave or merge. In its truest sense, it was practised to allow sexual energy (which is our base energy) to expand through our energy centres (Charkas) and bring about enlightenment (true spiritual connection).
 
Orgasm takes us close to spiritual ecstasy. Ecstasy is a full body orgasm, and includes the mind and emotions but more importantly it includes the soul.
 
This kind of lovemaking has some basic principles, and although many may be modified or varied, I will explain the most vital considerations.

Next: Female Sexuality - a womans view of seduction Part IV