Considering an eating disorder, it would be easy to assume it?s a condition based upon an issue with food. In reality it is not. The abuse of food and the body is a symptom of a deeper problem.
Someone with an eating disorder is typically someone who lacks self confidence, self esteem and self worth. The disapproval of their outer appearance manifests as a result of their lack of self conviction. This makes sense, but what brings a person to such a degree of low degree of self worth the first place?
From my own experience of having an eating disorder and going through a healing process which was 100% successful, I learnt that the most important question to ask is what is at the root of this psychological condition?
Many people have different ways of trying to deal with their life issues. Some people take drugs, some drink and some smoke. These are but a few of the possible examples. What makes an eating disorder any different? There is no difference in reality; all forms of self abuse have the same underlying principle. A person has some kind of external means, behavior or habits which are a reaction to, a way of dealing with or as a means of relief from a deep inner pain which lingers as a result of an unresolved problem or issue in their life.
If someone wants to recover from an eating disorder, it is not enough to just stop the habits of food and bodily abuse because even if there is a period of relief, the person will surely fall back into the same old habits unless the root of what caused the eating disorder in the first place is addressed and dealt with. You can help a drug addict stop taking drugs for a period of time, but unless the reason that pushed them to take drugs in the first place is dealt with they might always turn to drugs as a means of dealing with, suppressing or denying their inner pain and confusion. The principle behind an eating disorder is no different from any other kind of addiction.
I learnt to understand this because I went through exactly the same experiences with my own eating disorder, my habit of taking drugs, drinking and smoking. I would always try to stop doing these things to myself and would be successful for a period of time, but I always seemed to fall back into the same old habits of abusing my body and mind all over again. Why did this happen to me over and over again? It happened because I ignored the fact that I had to go to the source of my problems which made me feel inclined to abuse myself in the first place.
Why does a person feel inclined to abuse food? Why is food such an attractive means of dealing with an issue when it is a normal bodily requirement to eat? You can understand why people are attracted to drinking alcohol and taking drugs because they are mind altering, intoxicating substances with an element of rebellion which surrounds them. Many people with issues are attracted to rebellion because it is associated with doing things which are ?bad? and ?out of the ordinary? and this can attract more attention from other people.
I believe that the inclination to abuse food can sometimes come from the way we are taught to think about food and eating during childhood. Try to retrace your memory back to when you were a child and consider how your parents approached the subject of food and eating with you, you might see a link.
In most cases, when we are children we are taught to believe that certain foods are ?good? for us and others are ?bad? for us. An example of foods which may be placed in the category of being ?bad? may be sweets, ice-cream, chocolate, crisps, fries, burgers, fizzy drinks, cakes, etc.
The irony of this is that the foods which are considered as being ?bad? for us were the foods we were presented with as a means of reward if we behaved well or when excelled in school for example. When I was a child and I was well behaved, I was given chocolate bars and biscuits and if I had a good report card then I would be taken to McDonalds. My mum even hid the chocolates and sweets so my brother and I couldn?t eat them all the time; we were only allowed on certain occasions. She meant well of course, but the problem is that in human nature, we always want the things we can?t have most!
How can you blame an older person who abuses food to bring a feeling of self fulfillment, relief from an inner pain or even reward when they feel they have no recognition in life? You can?t blame people when they?ve been conditioned to believe ?bad food equals reward? since childhood. It is easy to develop a sense of reward and comfort from eating ?bad? foods and I believe this could be one reason as to why people develop bulimia or compulsive overeating, as a result of the way we have been taught to approach and think about food when we were young.
I would like to mention now, for anyone who is not really familiar with eating disorders, eating disorders are not only about people starving themselves until they are so frail that they are almost skeleton-like. Eating disorders are also about eating great deals of food in one sitting and trying to purge it from your body, for example by making yourself vomit, laxative abuse or over exercise. Sometimes people just binge eat and don?t even bother about trying to rid it from their body. They feel an inner void so just keep eating an eating as a means of filling that void instead of facing it and dealing with it.
There are different characteristics of eating disorders, but all seem to serve the same purpose, as a means of dealing with, suppressing, denying or resisting handling a deeper problem. Sometimes a person may not even know they have a problem, particularly when their fear and life issues are from childhood and have reinforced their identity by becoming part of who they are. People in this circumstance may have a hard time distinguishing what are healthy or unhealthy psychological states of mind. Another aspect to consider in such circumstances is that people like this may not want to deal with and let go of their issues for fear of losing their identity and the foundation upon which their life reality is based.
From my own experience of having an eating disorder, I learnt that as well as being means of reward and comfort, at the same time, food was my worst enemy! I was so insecure about who I was as a person that I based all of my value upon the way I looked in terms of body weight and shape. It was an easy way of getting attention, recognition and admiration from other people. At the same time I felt a sense of accomplishment when I lost weight when the rest of my life was a mess! I thought I looked great on the outside but I always felt ugly, empty and worthless inside. I thought my figure was all I had going for me in life.
My life was full of contradiction. I felt attractive, yet ugly. I wanted to eat all the foods I love, the ?bad? foods, yet at the same time I did not want to gain weight at all. I felt in control of my eating disorder, yet it controlled me and dictated whether I was happy or sad. My mind was full of confusion! I wanted to eat because I was miserable, but resisted because I wanted to be thin. The more I resisted the more I wanted to eat and the hungrier I became. Eventually I would eat so much food that my stomach ached. I would then make myself sick and guilt would kick in and start the ball rolling all over again. I hated myself for doing what I did, but couldn?t seem to stop because I felt even more miserable each time I did it. This vicious circle went on and on and I felt I was going crazy!
There is so much contradiction and confusion surrounding an eating disorder and as the eating disorder progresses, confusion seems to just grow and grow. Living with an eating disorder is hard, it drives you insane. It feels as if you are in jail, trapped with two people living inside one body. It?s you and you and your eating disorder and it as if you have become a two-headed monster!
There is another two-headed monster involved in this situation, food is as well! In one hand it seems to be your best friend, yet at the same time, it is your worst enemy. Food brings you a feeling of reward, comfort and fulfillment but it also makes you fat, ugly, heavy, bloated, miserable, undesirable and worthless, at least that is what someone with an eating disorder might tell you! Figure that out, it makes no sense!
Food is supposed to be an enjoyable way of providing your body with the energy you need to live healthily, nothing more. Nobody should be subjecting themselves to this kind of pain and confusion, no matter how hard life gets because it?s not worth it AT ALL! Recovering from my own eating disorder, alive, with my body in one piece and without any fatal damage to my health or organs has been one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do in my life.
I often tell myself if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn?t have allowed myself to fall into the eating disorder trap in the first place! Anyone could say that about anything in life, of course, if we knew better in the beginning then we wouldn?t do the things we do. However, I do believe that in the case of eating disorders they are so easy to fall into because nobody really seems to know much about it at all. I mean I was never educated about this when I was growing up. I feel I should?ve and maybe I would have stopped to consider what I did to myself before I did it. It is time that we wake up to the reality that eating disorders are a growing problem in our world. It is a dangerous condition to experience and it is time we pay attention and start educating ourselves about the reality of eating disorders.
Yours in Light
