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Dear Karinna,
I really love making love with my husband. I give him oral s ex according to his needs and sometimes I even do more than what he expects. Afterwards he is astonished and feels happy about it. But when it comes to my turn for oral s ex, I guess he feels a little out of place and just does it for the sake of doing it. Sometimes I will expect something good from him, but it turns out to be nothing. I don't want to make the matter a big issue, so I just ask him to stop or won't even want him to give me oral s ex at times.
Before making love we make sure that both off us are bathed, so odor could not be the matter for him. At times I even ask him to watch movies that will teach him how to do oral s ex and improve our needs.
How could I improve this matter in my life?
-- J.
Dear J.,
It can be difficult to feel like you are a more expressive, enthusiastic, and conscious lover than your partner. While you generally love the act of making love with your husband, you continue to be let down by his lack of innovation and skills-- especially in regards to oral s ex.
The Tongue is an Extension of the Heart in Chinese Philosophy. So how your lover kisses you with his tongue (either mouth-to-mouth or in oral s ex) communicates his level of emotional confidence or timidness; it also communicates how your lover feels at that moment about your love relationship.
If he gives you his tongue in a kiss and knows how to activate your passion through it he is very excited about your love and being intimate. If he holds his tongue back when he kisses you then he has other things on his mind or does not feel emotionally connected with you or doesn't feel like getting passionate. Every kiss tells an emotional story.
But you can turn your bedroom course in a new direction. You can analyze and begin to work with your lover to develop greater oral s ex skills by going back to the basics.
To work on the details of oral skill you can invite your lover to make out with you mouth-to-mouth. Start by kissing each other naturally-- see what happens. Then, based on the kiss, see what direction you want to take it. Would you like for him to be more expressive or skillful with his tongue to tease and excite your passion? Then show him by kissing him the way you want him to kiss you and then ask him to reciprocate. Creating a playful atmosphere to explore your oral skills without criticism can lead to easier guidance during oral s ex where you can ask for the tongue movements you liked in your make-out session.
Great lovers even go a step further by leaning the art of Tongue Kung Fu which is a set of emotional and tongue skills for both giving and receiving oral s ex well. I dedicated an entire section to Tongue Kung Fu in my new DVD Sacred Love-Making. It is easy to watch and follow with your lover and you can try the various techniques right away.
Up-coming Speaking Engagements/Book Signings for Intimate Wisdom:
Thur. Evening, Dec. 6: Kiki De Montparnasse (8280 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles), 7:30 PM, Free
Sat. Afternoon, Dec. 8: The Beauty & Wisdom Boutique (2307 Main St., Santa Monica), 2:00 PM, Free
Next Tue. Evening, Dec. 11: One Taste Urban Retreat Center (1074 Folsom Street, San Francisco), 8:00 PM, $15, RSVP (Optional Dinner Available Before)
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