Dear Karinna,

I have never had sex and I am getting married soon. How is the first encounter? Does it hurt? I don't want to disappoint my bride. Are there any exercises and techniques I can teach myself to be ready? I want to make sure that I don't just focus on getting the pleasure alone without the fulfillment of my wife. What will it take to have a pleasurable moment, especially on our wedding night? Please advise!!

-- K.

Dear K.,

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

The most important thing to know so that you will have a great first sexual experience on your wedding night is to stay present with your incredible connection and love for each other as you move into and through this powerful, sacred bonding ritual. When the moment finally arrives to intimately unite with each other think of it as a continuation of the ceremony earlier when you said your vows and exchanged rings. While that early ceremony with friends and family looking on will be an incredibly meaningful moment that you will return to over and over again in your thoughts and conversations, this moment of uniting with your Sacred Lover physically can be even more profound. This is because you are about to enter the deepest space that you can share with another human being. When you enter this intimate space with your Sacred Lover you not only enter their body, but their mind, heart, and energy body and you exchange on a cellular level leaving the essence of yourself within each other. 

A first experience can be a bit painful for the woman. What I suggest is making sure she is sufficiently aroused and lubricated. The best way to do this is by giving her oral pleasure or utilizing a lubricant such as KY Gel. Don't race into the experience of intercourse; take your time to enjoy the romance and the build up of your sexual chemistry together.

Often couples are tired at the end of their wedding day and may want to wait until the next morning to have their first sexual experience together. If that happens don't let it be disappointing. Cuddle, recount the events of the day, and then get the rest you need for an amazing next day of romance and passion.

Here are some techniques for developing yourself as a lover. First try Sexual Toning, which is an exercise from Fit for Love to develop your urogenital muscles which are positioned between the testicles and the anus. You can strengthen the muscles by coming down into a squat and gently contracting and then relaxing the urogenital area. You can do this several times a day. This will help you with having stronger erections and help you last longer during lovemaking. However, don't worry if you lose your erection on the first night. This can be par for the course and is just part of you learning your body and getting comfortable in the sexual arena. I would also strongly suggest developing your finesse as a lover. A woman generally responds well to both gentle and simultaneously passionate kisses, touch, foreplay, and sexual movements. Also develop your sensitivity of understanding to what degree you need to be gentle or strong for your lover to become and stay aroused.

Pleasure will naturally come to you both from focusing on each other. Focus on being with your Sacred Lover and serving your love. The quality of your attention while giving, guiding, and satisfying your lover's needs for love and sexual fulfillment during the act of lovemaking and making the moment meaningful communicates your refinement as a lover.

You can Serve Your Lover in the Act of Love-Making by:

• Utilizing finesse and sensitivity in your touch
• Communicating love in your speech
• Being creative and poetic
• Electrifying your partner's passion by tuning into their desires and pleasure
• Taking your time
• Remaining present

May this wedding night be a sacred night that sets the tone for on-going rich and amazing intimacy.

Keep sending me your questions to Ask Karinna.  I love hearing from you!

Wishing You Sacred Love, Karinna Kittles-Karsten www.SacredLove.com