I think after several years of counseling, introspection and finally, Jungian analysis, I am a Shaman.  Interestingly, I have finally come full circle back to my roots years ago when I first began my journey into the wilderness of my shadowy soul.  That speck of wondering, which started when I delved into the ravages of my childhood, left me looking at a picture of my Self that was as broad and mysteries as any picture taken by Voyager while traveling through the universe.  The delusions of my childhood had now begun to demise around my new found ability to know myself as I truly was.  I was not my mother’s child as she saw me.  I was not myself as I had seen myself.

 

The night after my debut on television I had a dream.  I had been skinned alive; writhing around on a bed while a man and women gently touched me.  I felt I was being tortured, but my analyst concluded with me it was a dream of transformation.  Transformation, I thought, this vulnerable, raw stripping of my ego is transforming?  But there I was, a trained therapist telling all on television that I hear voices.  Now what?  Who was I really?  And who are we really?

 

What dreams and visions and voices do we collectively block from ourselves that truly allow us to know and see what and why we are.  Where do we finally allow ourselves the approval needed to see what is, without the ridicule of cultural judgment lagging our progression. 

 

The day I decided to own my abilities, to channel out precisely how I could connect with my Guides and allow the energy from the Source to work through me, I created a dilemma.  I overstuffed the washer with clothes.  It became unbalanced and would not balance.  It was full of water and did not drain.  I took the clothes from the washer and threw the soaking, heavy clothes into the dryer.  Five minutes later it shorted out due to the amount of water in the dryer.  Meanwhile, I am trying to get the washer to balance by adjusting it.  This wonderful distraction took up several hours of my afternoon.

 

Finally, I sat down and asked myself what I was doing. 

 

Of course, I was distracting myself from fully owning and knowing what the Guides can do through their open connection with the Source.  All of this anxiety, all of this frightful busyness, was keeping me from being with me.

 

I got up and put one hand on the washer and one hand on the dryer.  I created this distraction; I could dismantle what I had created.

How are we to own our abilities if we do not fully separate from the world around us?  It’s ideas, accumulation of identities found in groups, religions, cultural icons or its thoughts about reality?

 

For me, it is a Shamanic journey.  I journey alone.  I open to the awesome forces of the Source moving through me and flowing out into the world with the chi of natural creativity forming and reforming reality with the director of my intent paving the way. 

 

I believe in this force and with my belief I become solely responsible for my creations.  Perhaps it is our struggle with responsibility that keeps us away from what we can be responsible for.  Perhaps we deny our own power for fear of being powerful.  The underlying answer is; I want the power of responsibility.

 

Now, I focus away from the delusion that is the reality of what lies before our eyes.  It is in my inner eye, I stay looking out with the knowledge that what I see is a creation of what I am.  My successes, my friends, my illnesses and countless other vibrational manifestations are sorted out within me and projected out word by the creator of my eternal Self.  I was flayed of my outer skin so my inner skin could be seen.  I am a child of the moon, a follower of the sun and a traveler amongst the stars.

 

I see you, the ambivalent who still blame genetics for their illnesses, the economy for their lack of abundance, their husbands for their relationship problems and their jobs for their lack of purpose. 

 

What if you believed that the energy within you held the miracle to create your life precisely in the way you wanted it?  What if you could believe you had the power to change it?  Do you want the responsibility?   Do you want the change?

 

I see you, the equanimity that makes you human, the value that allows a pauper to stand tall next to a prince, and the vulnerability that creates our humanity.  We are all conscious creators, whether we own our ability or not.  We can all make choices to see our creations for what they truly are, our creations.  We can stand amongst the Gods and Goddesses, with our exposed humanity flagrantly displaying our state of progression and still own our rightful connection to the ineffable magnitude of the Source.  We can still see ourselves as the magical children we are, going along, creating our life, because we did not know we could not.